I know what you mean, many discords fall into either category. But there are discords that are in the sweet middle ground. Also requires time investment on your part though because you won't make friends by just lurking and never interacting.
How do you find this subset of discords? I mean most of the ones I hear about are from creators promoting their servers and by definition they’re too busy and chaotic. Any pointers?
Most sub-reddits also have a discord of their own, also do many of your favourite products and services and sometimes these are nice places beyond the marketing shills.
One of my favourite servers which I later joined as mod is Tools for thought [0] (15k+ members) which is a space for discussing new tools, productivity, workflow, help with tools and similar stuff.
Yeah those aren't great. There are discords that are specific to topics, like your favourite hobby. Then you need to find one that doesn't have too many, but also not too few people. They will be filtered by hobby I guess.
