Thank you. Good advice about hacking on some personal projects/experiments. I'm worried that wont rebuild my confidence and abilities fast enough though. I want to make progress on this task today, not next week. Other developers seem to be succeeding, and I'm worried about how I'll look if it takes me weeks do to what others are doing in hours. (This isn't meant to dismiss your advice, to but to give feedback and solicit even more advice.)
In addition to the GP, I'll add there's a certain level of naïveté of being young that makes one feel like they were better than they were. I'm mid-40s and am probably the best I've ever been at writing good code, but sometimes I can get vapor locked knowing all the things I need to account to for. When I was younger I just coded because I didn't know any better.
So when I get stuck now, I just start writing code like I would have when I was early 20s.
Not in my mid-40s yet, but vapor lock is a great term. I also try to do the same, just write crufty code that works, hopefully clean it up some as I go.
> I also try to do the same, just write crufty code that works, hopefully clean it up some as I go.
I account for this in planning. POC -> POC validation -> Finalv2ForReal -> Finalv2ForReal validation
It gives two shakes at a decent solution with some built-in learning. If this looks like too much for business then well I tried I guess I'll do less work for the same amount of money (inevitably the stupid shit that got prioritized goes away). And I documented what I would have done and can point at it when POC as a service is ermmmm ... less than performant.
> Other developers seem to be succeeding, and I'm worried about how I'll look if it takes me weeks do to what others are doing in hours.
That one exact thought is compounding your problem. It's pure anxiety and it makes problem worse, I know from experience. When you think that, try to calm yourself with "yeah, it's just anxiety speaking, it will be fine". Maybe also try magnesium supplements, magnesium citrate helps me (but it typically takes up to a week of supplementation, minimum 2 days).
Often the "hack on something personal" just flicks a switch for me, I'm talking within an hour or two - but sounds like you're feeling a bigger sense of urgency than even that would help.
.. which honestly sounds an awful lot like the stress of the situation (or concern about cognitive decline) - which isn't going to do your focus any favours!
Any kind of reset can help with that: go for a short walk, chuck some binaural beats on headphones and close your eyes for 5 mins, drink a warm (non-caffeinated) beverage and think about something else.
Above all else: probably good to just remember everyone has off days, other engineers aren't going to judge you for a day of lower productivity
Aside from reducing your internal stress, One key ingredient of finding "flow" is a sense of immediate feedback, perhaps allocate 20 mins to some short tasks which give rapid reward; write a couple tests, draw a diagram, etc..
> I'm worried that wont rebuild my confidence and abilities fast enough though. I want to make progress on this task today, not next week.
I’ve experienced this a bunch of times too. I’m sorry to say this, but burnout for me never goes away on a convenient schedule. The more I make myself wrong for feeling overwhelmed, distracted and unmotivated, the worse it gets. Or in other terms, problems are rarely solved with the same thinking that created them.
For me, I have to really give myself permission to step back, take stock of myself, get some sleep and good food and often take a break from “work” programming tasks for a few weeks. (And I know exactly how inconvenient that last part is).
The more I push myself to feel better already, the longer it takes.
Some days you just feel down and are barely able to function, others you have seemingly unlimited energy, and this can come from a whole host of factors : how did you sleep, what did you eat, what is the weather, how is your personal life going...
And of course things get worse as you age (with quite a lot of variation and personal responsibility in staying healthy).
Your mind will eventually be back at peak performance, but meanwhile you can use pen & paper to help you with this.
Write down what are the big challenges/problems, try to break them down and write about it, keep dividing it until you start to see that you can tackle the indidual pieces.
I'm 42 and I've been in a mental place similar to yours, but a little more drastic due to a hard time in my life, and it took a while to get back into top shape, but the effort to break down my problems on paper helped me tackle some immediate tasks I had to accomplish.
