I have kids and I disagree. I have been the primary parent for much of their lives and an am single parent of a teenager (the other one is an adult).
Its not easy, but its worth it. Far more so that putting long hours into your job.
> I can absolutely imagine why many women would not want to have to raise children no matter how good the circumstances
That sentiment is part of the problem. Why is it still women's work to raise children? Why are there so few stay at home days? Why do couples not sharing parenting equally if both work? Why do not not have more famimly friendly working hours?
We have currently culturally accepted that its OK for women to do traditionally male work, but not for men to take on women's work. That will not work. I think this is unstable and we will have either a reversal (of which I see some signs) or a transition to men taking on more of a role in raising children (which is the better outcome, but I think is less likely because it is so ingrained that they do not).
You misunderstood me, its not just the womens role, we have split the parenting job pretty much down the middle, and we have about as good a situation as a modern family could get - its still very hard on both of us and thats why I can confidently say its a rough job that anyone (women or men) might want to for go.
You said your wife is a stay at home mum and you have split parenting down the middle. That does not sound consistent to me. That sounds more like traditional roles, so why is to so hard?
I was married to a stay at home mum and did half the parenting, but that meant I was overworked and she was not doing very much. It is one reason I am not married to her any more!
My ideal would be something like both working part time and sharing parenting. I blame governments focused on maximising the workforce and GDP. A lot of parents here in the UK drop kids off at school for breakfast and pick them up after "after school" activities. Not much joy in your kids if you hardly see them/
See, I completely agree with you, but it’s one of the “it’s a nice thing to say but never really works out”. Even in countries with extreme demographic problems (SK and Japan), men still expect the women to take over the main duties of parenthood. And if women know that they’ll just burden themselves with multiple kids with not enough support from their partner… why would they do it? Can’t blame them, because we might say one thing, but super majority works out differently in practice, so odds are against you.
I ended up in much the same position, and still think its worth it.
> Even in countries with extreme demographic problems (SK and Japan), men still expect the women to take over the main duties of parenthood.
Maybe that is why they have extreme demographic problems? People choose to have kids for personal reasons, not demographic ones.
Why can we not have that cultural change? We managed the one that allowed women to do men's work? Everyones wins. men get the joy of full participation in their kids lives, women are not landed with all the work, and children get better parenting.
Its not easy, but its worth it. Far more so that putting long hours into your job.
> I can absolutely imagine why many women would not want to have to raise children no matter how good the circumstances
That sentiment is part of the problem. Why is it still women's work to raise children? Why are there so few stay at home days? Why do couples not sharing parenting equally if both work? Why do not not have more famimly friendly working hours?
We have currently culturally accepted that its OK for women to do traditionally male work, but not for men to take on women's work. That will not work. I think this is unstable and we will have either a reversal (of which I see some signs) or a transition to men taking on more of a role in raising children (which is the better outcome, but I think is less likely because it is so ingrained that they do not).